I've been eager to share an extract for a couple of weeks... I hope you enjoy it ! ! !
Chapter Nineteen
The next time Cal lost his temper there isn’t a
word to describe or explain it. I mean, things were the best they'd ever been...
in our marriage, at the practise and in school. Our life could not have been
better. But this time he wasn’t shouting. The entire neighbourhood could hear
him roar I’d done this to him on purpose.
And when he started throwing things? Well,
I knew I had to calm him down somehow for Caleb and
Georgia’s sake. They were terrified. He’d lost it. He couldn’t see what it was
he was tossing or where it was going. I hadn’t spoken I’d simply touched his
shoulder.
“You stupid fucking bitch! How could you do
this?” I don’t think he realised what he did or how hard he did it. But as he
shook me off he threw me across the room.
I knew at that point I had to get the kids out of there. They wouldn’t leave me and I'd never forgive myself if he hurt one of
them. I stood on the front porch pleading with them to go. But they shook their
heads.
"Georgia, please" I begged
"Take Caleb, go watch a movie or play in the arcade. I promise I'll be
fine" They shook their heads again. "Dad's just really angry.”
“Why?” Georgia asked “What did you do?”
“Nothing” She glared at me “It was an
accident.” It was certainly a shock and I think maybe he thought we were too
old for something like this to happen. Still I didn't expect him to take the
news so badly. “We need to talk this through and we need to be alone to do it,
alright? He's never hurt me before. He's not going to start fifteen years into
our marriage."
How had I managed to calm their worries? I was terrified to step back into the house knowing all those times Cal had
hurt me when he been less of a rage than he was now. I could have stayed there all day. But we need to sort this out and we needed to do it before they come home.
So I watched and I waited and I held on to
the terrified expressions on their young faces and I let that draw out my anger and
it translated my fear and it fired me up inside until they were well out of
sight and then... I went inside.
"Don't you ever do that to me in front
of the children again!"
"Get rid of it!"
What? How can he say that? He knew I wanted
a bigger family. How could he play me like this? Tell me yes then no then yes
and now no again. "'It' is a life you and I have created during what has
been the best year of our marriage."
"If this is how you'll speak to me
after I've treated you with nothing but respect—” Nothing but respect? I gaped at him. He was
the one who had an affair! You know, just because we’re having a great relationship
that just doesn’t go away and it hurt as much as today it did the day I
realised he was having one. “—then maybe I should start treating you like the
dog that you are!"
What?! What a bastard! How dare he speak to
me like that? I’ve put up with a lot of crap from him in the last fifteen years
and have I complained? No! Well I was about to give him a taste of his own
medicine! Let’s see if he liked it?
"You can treat me however you want
behind the closed door of our bedroom Calvin but never in front of our
children. I don't want Georgia and Caleb to see you like this. Don't you
remember telling me you weren't this man? You weren't your Dad?” His eyes narrowed and his pupils darkened with the mentioned of his father “Don't you want to protect them from
that too?"
He grabbed a fist full of my hair. His nails scrapping at my scalp as he dragged me through
the house. I tripped on steps on the stairs as he took
them two at a time. I didn’t dare speak. I didn’t dare make a sound as his knuckles forced me head first along the hall. I held back the yelp fighting to be let go when he shoved me through our bedroom door.
Oh god! This is what I asked for. The privacy of our bedroom. Oh god! What was he going to do it me?
“Now” He threw me to the ground. The carpet burned against my bare legs as I skidded and crashed into the closet. Pain sliced through my back like a knife blade. "I do what you want"
The bedroom door slammed shut. "You do what I want.” He towered over me.
“Do we understand each other?”
I didn’t trust my voice to speak. I tried
to stop every muscle from trembling at his feet. The fear of what he’d do next
shook in my bottom lip, triggered tears at the corners of my eyes. My mouth was
dessert dry. I couldn’t swallow. He was going to hurt me. It was
going to be worse than it had ever been before. I nodded and closed my eyes. I
waited for it.
“Good.”
The door opened and slammed shut again.
It was a few moments before I realised it
wasn’t a trick. He actually left the room. And heavy sobs started to gulp at
the air. We’d been making love before the doctor called two hours ago. We’d been so happy. I didn’t
understand this. He said it wouldn't end his world like it used to. How could
he do this to me? He said more children would make him happy? How could he say so many
horrible things? Why couldn’t we talk about this?
I didn’t move from the spot where he left
me. I wrapped my arms around my legs and buried my head in my knees and I cried. He loves me. I know he loves me. So why does he hurt me like this?
Erin
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