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Showing posts with label #AskFaith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #AskFaith. Show all posts

Thursday, 7 November 2013

Thursdays with Faith - Darryl Asks about their Parents

Here's a little something you won't find inside Tainted Love.

You were fifteen the first time you asked about Mom and Dad. 


When you were little, sometimes I'd tell you about them instead of reading you bedtime stories. I'd tell you about everyone. Our parents, our grandparents, about the uncle we had who died, when you were old enough to understand what drugs were I even told you he died of an overdose. I didn't tell you that he'd disappeared with all of the inheritance money and the money from the sale of the house after pops died. I don't think I was supposed to know. But it was hard not to listen Into the adults' conversations when you've been sent to your room for no reason. I'm sure you, Georgia and Caleb did the same, don't think I didn't hear you when you scrambled up the stairs as you tried not to get into trouble. 

So anyway, Mom and Dad. 

I was preparing dinner, Georgia and Caleb were with friends and Cal was still at work. it was just you and me and you were pretty mad when you came into the kitchen. I remember because your homework was a specific history project and you had were supposed to ask you parents or grandparents about the Second World War. That was hard for you and me because we didn't have any parents or grandparents to ask. How did you complete an assignment like this? 

I told you what I could remember from pops's stories but I couldn't answer the specifics you  needed. In the end I told you I'd talk to the elderly neighbour across the street, the one offered who baked cookies for you if you did chores for her, like cutting her lawn and trimming her hedges. I said I'd clear it with your teacher too, I never wanted you to feel different from the other kids, or underprivileged somehow because of our unique situation but there were times when you were at a disadvantage and this was one of them. I guess the old lady over the street was a good compromise for the school, for you, and Mrs. Mitchell, who would bake you more cookies while you kept her company doing her favourite past time, reminiscing. 

So then, you hovered around the kitchen, took a sharp knife from the block and began peeling and chopping vegetables for the casserole.

"What were they like Fay?"  You asked and I knew you were talking about mom and dad. So I told you. They were wonderful loving parents who wanted to give you everything. They wanted you to go to college, and play football, but most of all they wanted you to be happy. They would be so proud of you. 

I told you about Dad's dreams of a nationwide psychiatry empire that you'd take over one day. I told you about Mom's garden that I'd restored for her and her amazing apple pie recipe. I think you must have been feeling their loss that night because I'm sure you wouldn't have stayed to cook with me if you weren't. You wanted to know how to make Mom's pie so we had one for dessert. Can you remember? I told you what to do and while I made casserole you made the pie and it was delicious, better than ones I'd ever made.

I know I should have told you about the adoption then but somehow it didn't seem right. You wanted to know what your parents were like it didn't seem fair to tell you they weren't your real parents. I guess I messed a few things up when it came to you because I didn't want for you to feel different to any other kid your age and I lost sight of the fact you were.

"How did they die Faith?" 

I'd been avoiding telling you the truth but I knew this day would come. So I made some hot milky cocoa and we sat down at the table while dinner cooked and I told you they were shot at an incident at work. I told you Cal had been there that day too and after three people were shot he wrestled the patient to the ground with a syringe full of sedatives and put him out cold. It was hard to tell you about their deaths and I think, once I started to cry, you comforted me more than I comforted you. It warmed me to the bottom of my soul when Cal came home from work and you wrapped your scrawny arms around him. You told him 'thank you' and for what we weren't sure. But you left the kitchen and he crossed to where I sat. He bent down to kiss me, same as he did every night. 

"What was that all about?" 

I just looked at him, at the delight in his eyes, and I told him how grateful I was that he'd stayed with me, with you, with our kids, in the life he didn't want. 

"God Fay that was years ago." He sighed and plopped his butt on the same chair you'd left. "What's brought this on?"

"I'm not stupid Calvin, don't think I don't know if you hadn't knocked me up you'd have been gone long before we were married." 

His hand came up and he cupped my cheek in his palm. But he admitted the truth to me. "You and me, Fay, we got real serious real quick and I'm not going to lie. It scared the hell out of me." I knew he was talking about Emma and Evan, about the fact he lost everything when he lost them. I think I'd be too scared to start again if anything happened to him and I had to go on alone, even though I had offered him the chance to get out before. "I'm older and wiser and had way more experienced than you, I should have known better all those years ago." He made it sound like a life time ago, and sometimes when I looked back it feel like one, but most of the time it seemed like only yesterday I was telling him I was pregnant with Georgia when it had actually been ten years. "I made a choice to take you to bed without protection. Just like you gave me a choice before Caleb arrived. Neither one are decisions I've regretted. Not once." I smiled. "Sure life threw a couple of wrenches in the works and sure they drive me crazy. You drive me crazy sometimes too. But whatever life's thrown at us we've dealt with, and we've fixed it. We always do." He pressed his lips against mine. "I love you Faith, I love our children, Our lives, and if I was given the choice I wouldn't change a thing."

A few days later we argued about you. He shouted at me and called you names and he held me so hard it pinched, and the day he amidst his heart felt apology, told me he actually wanted more children. This from the man who wanted to travel the world unhinged by responsilbilities and expectations of a family life.



Monday, 16 September 2013

Fortune Teller Bloghop. Tainted Love: July 4th 2005


Welcome to the Fortune Teller BlogHop. Here's a little something to wet your appetites for the upcoming second book in the Valentina Secrets Series. You'll find all the participants of the BlogHop below.

A hand wraps around my wrist. My heart rate soars as he prevents me from getting away. No don’t do this now. We’re in the middle of the crowd milling around the carnival on Main Street. I tug my hand away but he refuses to let me go. He pulls. I turn and tumble into his strong arms as he holds me tight. I face a wall of solid muscle. I closed my eyes. Hold them real tight. I hate this. I hate the panic rising from within, the need to scream and make it stop and even when his finger tucks beneath my chin and tilts my head towards his face I can’t look. I’m too frightened to open my eyes. What if this time it’s not John who’s got me? “Faith?” I hear the right voice. I know the familiar feeling of these arms and they will always protect me. Yet still my heart races. “babe” He’s not always this patient. Sometimes he shouts and tells me he’s not Cal. But some days my head just doesn’t want to believe it. “Faith, come back to me.” 
My breath stutters and then stops entirely because I have to face reality. But the fear still grips me oh so tight. What if... I open my eyes.
John smiles at me and his gaze holds mine in place. I breathe. The tension seeps away. “Darlin’” He whispers and somehow he knows to step back, to keep me at arm’s length. “Babe I didn’t tell you, did I?” His fingers entwine with mine. He has this amazing ability to make me feel like my past never happened. “You are the best thing to ever happen to me.” 
The butterflies take flight inside my belly and for a moment I just feel the warmth of his gaze and the love in his touch and my world slots back into place. Now I feel comfortable enough to tease him. “What about Lisa?” His daughter “Zoe, Cate, Caleb, Georgia” My children “and Darryl?” and My baby brother.
John’s eyes shift away as he pretends to ponder the point, pretends to be perplexed by a tug of war inside. Then he laughs and it’s a wonderful sound. His smile lights up his eyes. “Mrs. Dixon that was hideous of you!” 
Is this really my new life? I have to mentally pinch; just to remind myself that it’s not new anymore. It’s been years since his brother Drew arrested my ex. It’s our first wedding anniversary in a few weeks’ time and we’re celebrating at the cabin in Washington.  
“Four years ago today” He begins and the music and merriment of Fourth of July celebrations around us just fades away. In this moment, it’s just us, and we’ve been frozen in time.  “We stood in this very spot and I said to you ‘when life gave you lemons’ and you said ‘you’re supposed to juggle ‘til you drop them’”. I know I remember. He sent me the most dazzling smile as he looked over his shoulder at me. “You smiled at me, do you remember?” I nod because it really was a magical stumbling into Hawthorne Creek and finding a home, even though that day had gone so horribly wrong half way through. “I think I toppled head long in love with you in that moment Faith.” 
Oh, I feel all glittery inside. He almost always knows exactly what to say to chase my daemons away. I know I don’t say these words enough to him. “I love you John.” 
He reaches for me, his big hands cup my face and he steps into the gap between us. I close my eyes and anticipate the most perfect moment ending with a heart stopping kiss. 
“Mom!”
The bubble burst. We both deflate in disappointment, look each in the eyes and a laugh tumbles from deep within. “Bloody kids!” John shakes his head.
“Dad!” Caitlyn shouts and I watch John swell up with pride. Cate made the decision to call John ‘Dad’, and she no longer wants to see Cal. She’s far wiser than just twelve years old so what was I to say? I think she’s big enough to make that choice.
 “Hurry up Uncle D!” Lisa is dragging my brother along by his hand. It’s so wonderful to see them embrace him like this because we were apart for most of their lives. 
Then Zoe appears. She mimics the gypsy fortune teller whose authentic caravan is set up on the outskirts of the stalls, and she asking her will she be a famous actress. The fortune teller replies “I see stars in your eyes dear child.” 
“Tell her what you told Uncle D!” Cate grins. 
“She said he wasn’t going to get married for a real long time.” Zoe interrupts. I looked at his fiancée at his side. She’s wearing an expression mixed with annoyance and concern. “and they’re going to have a baby-” 
“She said daughter.” Cate corrects. 
“Everyone is going to know his name too! Uncle D’s going to be famous.”
“Infamous.” Cate corrects again. 
I know it’s futile to believe, she been around all day and has probably observed us all. Besides D owns one of the biggest chain of health and well-being practices in the state of New York and his fiancée is a popular girl. They’re already well-known to those who read society pages. I’m not surprise his name is going to be infamous in future. He has big plans for the psychiatry practice started by our Dad.
“Do mommy!” Zoe demands. And the woman gives me an unnerving stare and suddenly I don’t want to know my future. I shiver and wave her away. “Please.” Zoe begs.
“My dear” she takes my hand without my permission. “I see a lifetime of sorrow in your eyes.” Her words crawl along my spine. I try to tug my hand away but she holds firm and closes her eyes. “Shadows have been cast around you but I still see you standing in the light.” She falls silent for a few moments. “Your future is intertwined with a young boy. Maybe a son?” My heart stops and I swallow before I look at John. He’s gone a ghostly shade of pale. He shakes his head. And I agree. We’re not having any more kids! 
“No” She corrects. “He’s too old to be your son.”  
My gaze lands on Darryl... and voila! The boy too old to be my son. This is nothing but a party trick.
“Oh” She opens her eyes. “Dear girl. You’ll never see how important you are.” She takes John’s hand and joins our palms together. Her gaze switches between us both. Then she casts her eyes to the floor. She shakes her head and when she looks up there are tears in her eyes. “You’ve further heartbreak on the horizon.” She whispers. “This is something you will face alone.” John’s other hand wraps around my waist as I try to tug away my hand again. “I want you to understand you need not worry, you have made the right choices and taught them to true value of family.”  She pats our hands and turns to walk away.
John reaches out and grabs her shoulder. “What do you mean? What did you see?” 
“Nothing.” She looks at me. “Flowers that’s all.”
I wrap my hands around my waist grabbing hold of Johns hand as he snaps “What kind of flowers?”
Shakes her head “I don’t know. They were white. Lillies I think.” I gasp. They’re the flowers of death. “It was a very brief glimpse. They have even been roses.”
White Roses? My blood runs cold. How did she know? We’d told no one about Cal’s threat.
“Charlatan!” John shouts and she cries out, shaking her head furiously. “How can you say this stuff in front of kids? It was him, wasn’t it? Did he send you?” John’s livid he’s almost foaming at his lips. “I’m calling my brother and reporting his threats. So if you want to avoid fraud charges you’d better get in that caravan and get out of this town right now.” She scurries away “and you give him a message from me.” His voice grows louder the further away she runs. “If he touches my wife again I’ll kill him!”
“John!” I touch his shoulder. He’s so mad he’s trembling under my hand. “It’s nothing but hocus pocus.” I tell him even though I’m trembling too. But the look on the girls’ faces, they’re so scared they’re clinging to Darryl and he holds them so protectively. He’s worried. His eyes are questioning me. I’d argued with him when the white roses arrived. I told him not to worry. They all need our reassurance after John’s outburst. Everything is going to be fine. He’s not allowed anywhere near here and Darryl takes Zoe to see him. I will never see Calvin McKenzie again. “She read our reactions. It’s a scam, a carnival trick, a way to make a quick buck.” But I can’t fight the sickly feeling growing in my stomach. We didn’t pay her a penny. 
He wraps both arms around me. He holds me ever-so tight. “You’re right.” We stand in silence and no body moves. We’ve all had a terrible fright. “I overreacted.” John kisses my cheek and says “But still, I’m seeing the doctor tomorrow.” 
I frown, then start to chuckle. “I thought you said god loves your genes?”
“He might but five kids and a little brother are enough kids for me thank very much.”
“Hey!” Darryl cries, my three girls are yet to move away from him. “Less of the little. I’m thirty-three years old, you know!”


Thursday, 5 September 2013

Thursdays With Faith - Revisited.

Back in March, Faith McKenzie took a trip over to PattiLarsen.com and I realised I'd never shared the post here on my blog.  


His big angry eyes glare at me as the front door slams. The windows rattle. Oh god! What had I done this time? The urge to run away pools deep in my belly. I didn’t believe it. For the first time in years we were alone. My not so little anymore brother is sleeping at a friend’s house as requested, and hopefully staying out of trouble, while my son and daughter are enjoying birthday sleepover parties at their friends’ homes. I’d been looking forward this night since my doctor’s appointment a few days ago.
I had the news we’d both longed for and it was killing me keeping it from him. But I couldn’t tell him now. From the look in his eyes if I tell him we’re expecting a baby all hell would break loose. The blissful-can’t-keep-our-hands-to our-self way of life we’d lived for the past nine weeks would shatter like one of the crystal champagne glasses sitting on the dining room table.
It was four months before he forgave me after I broke the news we were expecting Caleb and he wore the same expression on his face today as he had that night. It would be my fault we were pregnant again even though we’d planned this baby, even though Cal wanted this baby. Suddenly, this baby has the worst timing ever!
Still frozen on to my spot on the stairs, I fight the fear curling in my stomach. The last time I saw such fury in his eyes he reached for me and I swear he was going to hurt me. But he didn’t hurt me. Far from it. We … we … well we made the little miracle I now carry. And it was amazing. Beautiful. I’ve never felt more connected to Calvin then I had that day.
I shake my head, attempt to shake off the anxiety. He never hurts me. Not intentionally. I’m overreacting. He’s had a bad day at work. It’s nothing what I have planned for him can’t resolve. After his favourite meal, a glass of wine, and a child free night he’ll be mellowed and ready to receive the good news. At least I think it’s still good news.
“Hi” I smile, walk down the rest of the stairs and cross the entrance hall. “You look like you could do with a drink.” My hand gently caresses his forearm.
“I just came to drop my things off.” He brushes me off and walks on as though I’m not even there. “I can’t be around the kids tonight.”
I ignore the stab in my heart from his rejection. “Cal?”
The study door slams shut in answer. I don’t follow. I haven’t been allowed into his study since we…  um…  Well, it’s been nine weeks since I’ve been allowed in the study. Besides, I know better than to follow him when he’s in a mood like this, it’s likely to end in tears.
Instead, I go into the dining room. We never use the dining, except for entertaining, holidays and special occasions and I guess tonight wasn’t going to be one of them after all. I fail to fight the tears prickling at the corners of my eyes as I unset the table and put the best china, crystal and silverware back in the cabinet. All that is left is my mom’s antique candle sticks when I hear Cal call out. But more tears fall. It’s been over ten years since Mom and Dad were snatched away at gunpoint but suddenly it feels like yesterday.
Cal voice carries from somewhere deeper in the house. Great! He’s still angry and now he’s looking for me. I know I have a fight coming my way but I can’t… My parents’ death is balled up in my throat and my voice won’t reach around it. They missed so much. My brother was so little when they died. Georgia was just a baby. They never met Caleb, my hand rests on my flat tummy, and they’d never meet our newest addition to the family either.
“What are you doing in here?” Cal grumbles. I brush away my tears before I face him. “And where are the kids?”
“I’m putting stuff away” I manage to mumble turning and putting Mum’s candlesticks away and erase all signs of any plans I had. “You’re going out and the kids are at sleepovers.”
He stares at me. The time draws on and I try not to squirm under his silent scrutiny. Then he frowns “You’ve been crying?”
“It’s nothing.”
“Don’t lie to me.” He snaps “You don’t cry about nothing.”
“We’ve been through this twice before Cal” I quip walking passed him “I’m sure you’ll remember how the next nine months are going to play out.” I leave him standing in the dining room alone.
“Don’t talk to me like that Faith!”
I march into the kitchen waiting for his usual adage; you know I don’t like it. The steak, already tenderised within an inch of its life, and the ingredient I’d already prepared for his favourite steak sauce look at me from the counter. I was going to indulge him tonight. There was even a bottle of champagne chilling in the wine cooler because I knew how much he wanted this baby. We’d talked about it only a couple of days ago that ended with some silly ideas of ice cream in the bedroom. Packing the steak and the vegetables in airtight containers, I cross the kitchen and put them in the fridge, slamming the door. Cal is behind it.
I jump about a mile out of my skin. My heart beat racing. The look in his eyes hasn’t changed. “Cal!” I gasp fighting to keep the fear of what he’ll do next from my voice and my expression. “You scared the life out me.”
“A patient committed suicide.” Even though his voice is terse, I don’t know if he’s angry with me or himself anymore, so I can’t seem to let my guard down. I don’t know if he wants my sympathy because he wants to fight with me. I know he does. But he doesn’t look at all happy about it. I swallow against my suddenly desert dry mouth and step back. I don’t trust myself not to do the wrong thing, whatever that maybe. “Did you mean what you said?” He asks “It’s just you and me tonight?”
“Uh-huh” Is all I can manage as I put the island between us.
“And the other thing you said” He frowns again as his gaze drift away from mine “Did you mean…” He looks at me. His expression is blank. “Are you…?” It’s as though he never expected it to happen. “Are we…?” I nod and he gasps. Both hands grip the opposite end of the island and his eyes close. He draws in several really long deep breaths. He can’t do this! He can’t take this news badly. He’s not allowed. This baby was his idea!
Just as I’m about to lose my mind he stands upright. He has a mischievous glint in his eyes and a wicked grin on his lips. Just like that the fight it over and he’s happy. He turns towards the freezer. “Then I believe” He chuckles as he opens the door “You owe me an ice cream sundae.”
“What?” My head is spinning from the suddenly change in direction. “No!” I shriek as a tub of luxury ice cream slides across the counter. “You’re not…” I can’t believe he’s even contemplating this.
“You promised. You said I could have syrup, and sprinkles, and whipped cream, and the whole damn cherry on top if we got pregnant this side of Christmas. I intend to hold you to it.”
“But-” I wasn’t serious! He wasn’t serious! I eyed the offensive ice cream between us. The condensation forming on the outside chills me to the bone. I shiver at the thought of cream to skin contact. “That’s really cold. Think of the baby.”
Cal burst into a delighted laughter. “Babies love ice cream!”
It was hard to remain horrified at the sound of his happiness but still, he was not covering me in ice cream. “No!” I made for the left and he blocked my exit. So I started for the right and he made to block that exit too. “No Cal.” I half shriek half laugh and shake my head.
“You promised me Fay.” His eyes sparkle as he reaches for the ice cream.
“No way,” I use his distraction as an opportunity to escape, dodging his overstretched arm as he realises I’m making a break for it. “You’re not making a sundae out of me!” I sprint into the entrance hall as the most magnificent laugh bursts from the kitchen. It’s so light, so free. In all the years we’ve been married I’ve never heard Calvin laugh like that before.
I freeze. I turn around as he leaves the kitchen Ice cream and sundae paraphernalia in his hands. This is what my husband looks and acts like when he’s completely happy. It hits me I’ve never seen him this way before. We’d finally done it. We were thrown into the life he didn’t want and one we both knew couldn’t make him happy.  And yet, it did. And he was, ecstatically so. My heart swelled.
“I will if I catch you.”
What?! Oh yes, the ice cream! My gaze darts around the entrance hall. Where the hell did I go? I couldn’t take this outside and he blocked the only other exit except upwards. Where in God’s name did I hide? He steps forward. I’m out of time so I spring into action. “You’ll never catch me.” I challenge and sprint and leap for the stairs.
There’s a sudden clatter of a dozen dropped objects as Cal plucks me out of mid air. His arm wrapping around my waist and he whirls me around to face him. “Gotcha!”
My legs wrap around him. My arms hook around his neck and I grouch “You don’t have to look so smug about it.”
“Oh yes I do” He chuckles before his lips meet mine. His kisses are so soft.  His touch is so tender. I feel like I’m floating on a cloud as we climb the stairs and he carries me towards the bedroom. “Fay?” He whispers. “Did I ever tell you you’re the best damn thing that ever happened to me?”


Erin

Posts You May Have Missed

Thursday, 11 April 2013

#AskFaith- Who is Faith McKenzie?


Available for all e-Readers

 A couple of months back I started this regular Thursday feature #AskFaith, which offers readers the opportunity to ask Tainted Love's main character, Faith McKenzie, questions. 

However, I think I've overlooked anyone who hasn't read Tainted Love. So I thought let her introduce herself and answer the question who is Faith McKenzie?

This post was originally featured as part of the Tainted Love book tour. 





Character Spotlight - Faith McKenzie



My name is Faith McKenzie. I’m the daughter of a well respect doctor and his wife, Ben and Sarah Hawthorne, who were pillars of our community. I grew up in this beautiful five bedroom house in Southampton, New York. My parents had high hopes for me when I began training as a psychiatric nurse. Then I met Calvin, and after a whirlwind romance we were married within the year. When my parents died Calvin decided it would be best for my brother that we move back to Southampton. Darryl is much younger than I am and my husband is a psychiatrist. He specializes in post traumatic stress so I trusted he knew more about the affects of uprooting my little brother at such a delicate stage in his life than I did.
Our house is built on a corner plot, it’s surrounded by gardens and I spend my days tending to the many plants and flowerbed I have spent years perfecting. We have an enormous lounge where Cal and I spend time snuggled up together after the children are asleep. Cal has an office where he works on evenings and weekends. It’s comforting to know that, even though he’s a very busy man, he wants to be at home and not at the office so on those many times he goes away I know he can’t avoid it. The kitchen is where we congregate as a family. Our little ones play at the table at all times during the day while I prepare food or read the newspaper. The dining room is only ever used on holidays or for entertaining. I pride myself on keeping our house and gardens in tip top shape all day every day. It’s not easy with the little ones under my feet but Cal has outgrown Daddy’s shadow and is well-known and respected in his field and our community. He’s likely to bring guests home unannounced. It wouldn’t be good for him to be embarrassed by an unkempt home. I mean what else do I do all day? Yes, I trained as a psychiatric nurse, that’s how Cal and I met. But before I completed my training I became pregnant with our eldest daughter and I never went back to work. Calvin doesn’t want me to. He makes more than enough to keep us in a comfortable lifestyle and he prefers that I’m available for the children, just in case of an emergency.
Our twenty years of marriage hasn’t gone without its ups and downs. Calvin is ten years older than I am and his first wife and son have caused a few problems for us. So does my brother. We were his guardian after all. Cal and I have also four beautiful children of our own, none of them were planned. Our oldest two are in college, both studying their pre med degrees and our two youngest, they were a real surprise for us, are barely in preschool.
Since having the younger ones it’s difficult to spend time with my friends, I’m not as available as I used to be and we’ve drifted apart. Calvin wasn’t a fan of the ladies I played tennis with, had lunch with, or went shopping with anyway. It caused many arguments between us. Since our little ones have come along we fight over other things, like nutrition, appropriate safety wear, and the benefits of hobbies at their age. He really is a worrier, but he’s a man who doesn’t like to show what’s really going on inside. Even after all this time I still find it difficult to get things right sometimes, it’s not always easy to know what he wants. But he gave up so much after my parents died. All the plans we had were abandoned to move here, to take care of my brother and take over the family business. Cal’s turned Daddy’s Practice into a success, my brother is an all-star state football champion and about to finish his medical degree and my children are thriving. I couldn’t ask for anything more.
I shouldn’t want for more. But if I could have one day to do anything at all, it would be a day just for me and Calvin. I would have a day when I knew what his moods was like, when they darkened so suddenly I would be able to change them back. I’d have a day that when he said ‘we need to talk’ those words didn’t fill me with fear. I’d have a day when my husband whisked me into our bedroom for something other than a stern talking to… or worse. I’d have a day where it was just me and the man I fell in love with. Because those days are becoming so few and far between I think I’m losing him to this other guy… the one that hurts me so easily … and I think he’s starting to enjoy it.




What would you ask Tainted Love's Faith McKenzie? Drop your questions and comments below or email them to erin (at) erincawood (dot) co (dot) uk! 

Buy a copy of Tainted Love for kindle at Amazon US | Amazon UK
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Erin

Posts You May Have Missed 

#AskFaith -  Why Didn't You Leave?

#AskFaith - The Joys of Parenting


#AskFaith - Faith's Perfect Valentine's Day
  

Thursday, 4 April 2013

#AskFaith - Why Didn't You Leave?

With so many people connecting with Tainted Love's Faith McKenzie through her story, I wanted to bring you the opportunity to get to know her a little more.

One of the most frequent comments is about Faith's willingness to stay after Calvin hits her the first time. So this week I'm sharing that scene 
from Tainted Love to answer the question 

Why didn't you leave?



 Tainted Love Excerpt

Cal was as white as one of the sheets of paper still floating in the air. He was probably more stunned than I was. I couldn’t quite fathom what had just happened. He turned. I stepped. But how did his hand end up on my face? This just wasn’t possible. He just wouldn’t do that!
"Oh, God." The words gushed out on the air he breathed. No voice attached to them. "Faith, I'm sorry." Tears filled his eyes. "Faith, please...” He stepped forward, his hands hesitant as he reached for me. “Say something."
I stared. I tried to see the man in front of me as my husband, but he was someone completely alien to me. I searched his expression, but there was nothing to quiet any of the alarms screaming inside my head. Calvin wouldn’t do this to me. "Why?” a shocked whisper asked, and I wasn’t even sure it was my voice.
He breathed a name as if it would heal everything, but it didn’t. It only made it worse, and I stepped away. He’d just belted me in the face because of his dead wife? This excuse was getting tired. Four years! Four years of marriage and he was still throwing this at me? Hell no! He was not! "We're done."
"You make a big fuss of Christmas right from December first.  It's like you're rubbing it in my face."
I walked away. "She wouldn't begrudge you for moving on with your life. But I'm not going to begrudge them both for dying, which I will if we stay married."
"Faith." Those big hands wrapped around my wrist. He forced me to turn back, and I toppled into his strong arms. "You promised you'd never walk away from me."
"They're like poison." He flinched. "I'm sorry, it's an awful thing to say, but you never talk about them. You bottle it up and it's toxic to our marriage. This is the result, and it will only get worse, Cal."
"No, I'll never —" Calvin his eyes dropped away from mine. "Please forgive me." He clung to me like he expected the moment he let me go I'd run for the hills. He was right. I didn’t care if it was Christmas Eve, the second he let me go, the kids and I were gone. "It's not Emma, it's..." His grip tightened as his eyes closed. "It's Evan."
It was the first time I'd heard his name. Until that moment I didn't know the baby had a name. In fact, thinking about it... I didn't even know he was a boy.
"He was ten weeks premature and in the special care unit for twenty-four days." Oh ... oh God... he had two funerals in one month? His wife's and then his son's? I think my heart broke for him all over again in that moment. "He died six years ago today, Fay."
I felt terrible. Why hadn’t I worked out the math before? I knew Emma died eighteen months before we were married, and that would have been December ’76. So of course Christmas was hard for him. How insensitive had I been all these years, making a big deal out of the holiday season when it tortured him so?
“Why didn’t you say something?” I whispered as I folded my arms around him. “Anything.” Tears filled my eyes. I’d caused him so much pain. “I’m so sorry, Cal.”
“Shush.” His hand stroked the back of my hair as he held me. “I didn’t say anything because you love Christmas and it’s magical for the children because of all the effort you make. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“Don’t be silly.” I lifted my eyes to meet his. “It was an accident.”
“Does it hurt?” Yes. Suddenly, my cheek was smarting like I’d been in the ring with the world heavyweight champion. I shook my head. “It looks like it could do with some ice or something.”
“I’ll live,” I said.
“Maybe I should kiss it better?” He asked with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. But I don’t think he quite believed his luck when I wholeheartedly agreed.



Do you have any questions for Tainted Love's Faith McKenzie? Leave them in the comments or email them to erin (at) erincawood (dot) co (dot) uk 

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Thursday, 21 March 2013

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The Legal Bit

All characters have no existence outside the imagination of the author and have no relation to anyone baring the same name. They are not inspired by an individual known or unknown by the author and all incidents are pure invention.

The articles, excerpts, and other written work published under the pseudonym Erin Cawood are copyright protected by the author. Guest articles are published by arrangement and also copyright protected by the guest author.

Images of Erin Cawood are provided by Paul Miguel Photography.


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